can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks!

Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was out standing in his field!

What kind of pants do Mario and Luigi wear? Denim-denim-denim

A man walks into a bar, and it's empty - it's just him and the bartender. He sits down and orders a drink.

He hears someone whisper, "Pssst...I like your tie."
The man looks around but doesn't see anyone.

"Pssst...that color looks nice on you."

He asks the bartender, "Excuse me, but...are you speaking to me?"
The bartender rolls his eyes and says, "No, sorry about that. It's the peanuts... they're complimentary."