Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

He got fired.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes, and he gave me a 5% raise.

Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, "By the way, which companies are after you?" I responded, "The gas, electric, and cable company."

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*

Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!"
*Little Johnny stands up*

Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... I just feel bad that you're standing alone..."