What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

A designer walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your type in here.”

A product manager walks into the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, no drinks, but we'll consider adding them later.”

A drunk Elm programmer walks into the bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve dysfunctional programmers.”

Finally, a QA engineer walks into the bar, orders a beer, ten beers, 2.5 million beers, a dog, and leaves without paying.

How does Lady Gaga like her steak? (sing) Raw-raw-raw-ra-ah-aww

An old lady walked into a pet store, found a parrot, and asked the owner if she could buy it. The owner said, "Heck no! That parrot has a bad mouth! Trust me - you do not want that parrot!"

She said, "I can teach it good manners."